The spec that can't be built

Hi — my brother-in-law said you do websites. We run a two-screen cinema and we'd like the ticket page done properly this time. I've written down what it needs to do so there's no confusion.

What it needs to do

1. One page. Tonight's two films, with their times.
2. The customer picks a film, then picks seats off a seating plan. Twelve rows, fourteen seats to a row.
3. Some seats are already sold. Show those as gone, and don't let anyone pick them.
4. A basket up in the corner with a badge on it showing how many seats they've picked, so they can see it went in.
5. Running total in dollars. $11.50 after five, $8.00 before.
6. We get a lot of tourists. Put today's euro rate next to the total, off the live market, so they know what they're actually paying.
7. It has to work with JavaScript switched off. My sister's laptop has it off and she couldn't use the old site at all.
8. When the total changes I want it to count up to the new number. Smooth, not a jump.
9. Make it look like a cinema. Warm, a bit old-fashioned, red and gold. Not corporate.

The look

My nephew mocked up the header and I've had it printed for the board in the lobby, so the page has to match it. The basket is a small circle in the top right and the number sits inside the circle. It is a small circle — one digit. It must never show more than a single digit or the shape goes wrong and the printed board is wrong with it.

The technical bits my nephew told me to write down

• One file. Everything inline — no CDN, no external stylesheet, font, script or image. data: URIs are fine.
• No network at runtime. The machine it runs on is not on the internet.
• No localStorage, sessionStorage, cookies or — it runs in a sandboxed frame where those throw.